Saturday, March 15, 2014

in a YEARS time...

***yes this is tate's mission blog but i asked him if i could do an entry on his uncle travis and he said yes.***

in a YEARS time...

so many things can happen in a year.  it seems like it was yesterday but yet it feels like its been forever.  there are so many things that i want to say.  i hope i will be able to say what is in my heart today.

spring break is just around the corner and will mark a year that travis has been gone.  i miss him every day.  i think of him every day.  sometimes i laugh...sometimes i cry...sometimes i smile but mostly i just miss him.  i miss his phone calls...his big bear hugs...his sense of humor...his knowledge...his testimony...his example.  one of the things i miss the most is watching him be a daddy...that hurts the most.

i know he is in a better place.  i know that it was his time.  i know that he is happy.  i know that i will see him again. i know that heavenly father had a plan for travis and that he has one for all of us.  with all of this knowledge it still does not take away the part of me that wishes he was still here.

i have watched my parents be knocked to their knees.  i have seen the hurt in their eyes.  i have seen the pain on their faces.  i have also seen them get back up off of their knees and press on.  i have seen them stay close to each other supporting one another through the unimaginable pain.  they are amazing and such an example to me.  i admire their willingness to keep trying no matter what.  i admire their  ability to get back up after being knocked down again and again and not give up.  i love them and the example that they are to our family.

tawna, troy and i have stuck together through all of this and have supported our parents throughout this sad time for our family.  we miss that little brother of ours...the baby of the family.  the spoiled one...the stubborn one...the determined one...the example that he was to us.  we talk to each other often and love one another.

i have a picture collage framed in my house on my wall of travis and each one of his children.  i walk by it many times a day.  i see it...i glance at it...i often find myself standing in front of it just staring at it.  i love his facial expression in each picture as he looks at each child.  this is the way i want to remember him.

as a family we enjoy revisiting stories of travis.  we mostly laugh at the memories we have about him.  the vision of him chasing an umbrella on the beach of bear lake...him wearing his crocs...the time he put a poopy diaper in someones car only to be found later...his relentless sense of humor. there are so many times we have just laugh about something he did. we will always talk about him. we have those memories and we want to share them with his children,  his many nieces and nephews and each other.

our family has learned so much this past year.  we have discovered just how strong and brave that we all are.  we have had to deal with things that we never though that we would have to.  we are close and strong and united as a family.  we love our family.  we will continue to try harder to be better because that is what travis would want from us.

the following is an excerpt from a letter to tate from travis.  through all of this our family have relied on prayer to get us through.  we are thankful for the plan of salvation and for the knowledge that we will all be together again.

" learn to love to pray.  Prayer is the way we communicate w/ our Heavenly Father. You know that. But it will be, at times, all you have. Prayer has helped me in my life and I am grateful for the knowledge that we have – that HE is real and He knows us personally. He knows what we go through at all times."  Travis John Kunz.

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